I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
