so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
