Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
