I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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