I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
