you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
