Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
