I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
