There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
