Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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