he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
