Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
