He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
