At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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