community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
