so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
love makes seman taste better
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
