So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
