so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
