We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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