We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
