I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
