your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
