sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
