Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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