you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
