some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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