Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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