my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
