youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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