Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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