just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
