Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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