the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
