No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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