Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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