she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
