So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
