I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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