I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
