yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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