I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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