I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
