I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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