I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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