exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
