I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
