Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
