Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
