the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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