So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
