Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You dont lie about slip and slides
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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